She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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