THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
