This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
