Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
