i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
