Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
