I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
