Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
