He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
