My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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