Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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