Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
