Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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