dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
