K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The best revenge is premature balding
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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