Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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