You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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