Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Randomize
