Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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