you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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