What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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