i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
