Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
