two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
