White coat. Heels.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
