Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
