do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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