some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
