I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
