You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
