Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
