So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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