Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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