She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
