I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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