At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
