He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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