I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize