I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize