my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
