We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
