I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
