There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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