i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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