He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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