She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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