Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
