Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize