Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
