Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
