hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
