as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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