my sisters under your porch take her home
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
