a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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