Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize