You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
