If i come over, it means nothing
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
