I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
