i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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