So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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