i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need water and some morals
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
