I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
