Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
