why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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