Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
