Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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