i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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