Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
