no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
