I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
