note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
