TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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