This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
