I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
