i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
