On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
